According to Hitched’s 2026 Wedding Industry report, having a personalised wedding that reflects their relationship is the priority of 73% of couples. If you’ve chosen to have your wedding ceremony be one of those personalised wedding moments, then we need to chat. We need to have deep chats.
As a wedding celebrant, I’m usually booked by couples on average 14 months in advance of their wedding. This gives me incredible opportunity to get to know people. The biggest compliment I will ever get is that on your wedding day, guests mistake me for a friend who has known you for years. I invest a lot of time in ensuring that you feel like you have told me everything I need to know, and my couples are incredibly generous and honest with me in response. We create beautiful moments from your memories, your shared experiences, and those of your guests, and balance it with your hopes and dreams for your marriage. To do this, I might need to ask you some big questions. I thought it might help if I featured them here so that they don’t come as a surprise, and also, so that you know, that, if we do work together, you can tell me straight up that you don’t want to answer them, if they make you uncomfortable. I work at your pace, in your comfort zone. But here we are. The list.
are your parents part of your lives?
There are so many answers to this, in varying combinations. Wedding days can be loaded with emotions that lead back to your parents. If I know, right from the start, which parents are present in your lives, or what your family structure is, I promise it does make things easier when it comes to both constructing your ceremony, and being the best support to you on the day I can be. If your parents are present, and important to you, I want them to feel that way. If you have lost important people, and that loss is keenly felt, we can address it in our preparation. If you have an emotionally complex situation (a classic example would be an absent father or a parental partner that you don’t see eye to eye with), then I’m here to listen and to advise.
if kids are in your future, do you want it mentioned?
The very, very last thing I want to do is add extra pressure to your wedding day. So, even if it’s not a secret amongst friends and family that you are thinking of having kids very soon, you can tell me whether you do, or you don’t want that fact referenced in your ceremony, even in nuanced form. You don’t have to tell me your fertility journey, or your feelings about children, unless it’s so much part of your story that you want it to be part of the ceremony narrative. But, some couples want to mention their plans for their own branch of the family tree, and many don’t, and both are very much ok.
will any of your guests need additional support at the ceremony?
All your loved ones will be there, so, I’d like to make sure everybody can enjoy the ceremony. So, I will ask you if you have anybody attending who has any physical or unseen disabilities, so that we can make adjustments. These could range from me knowing that you need a couple of wheelchair spaces and checking this when I get to the venue, to me printing out copies of the ceremony in large print or a first language for those that need it. This is also where you could choose to tell me about anybody that you are worried about, for whatever reason. This is a little different, of course. It may be a guest who you think might be noisy, or troublesome for some reason. It may be somebody that could turn up late or not at all. Everything you tell me is as confidential as you require it to be. I’m here for you, and to help you plan around anything you’re concerned about. And my next point is often one of those concerns.
what are your red lines when it comes to kid disruption?
This is a slightly different issue to whether your wedding ceremony will have children attending. This is about the point at which you’d like your ceremony to pause if a child or children (even if it’s one of yours) diverts your attention. I have never had a child ‘ruin’ a wedding ceremony. Children don’t ruin wedding ceremonies, however, their parents or guardians not being given clear direction can. So, I’ll be asking you how much noise is too much, and whether you’d like me to pause, or keep talking. This particularly applies to the important bits like your vows and ring exchange. If you have children of your own, especially if they are under three, I’ll ask you about what you’d like me to do if they want to be with you or on you during your ceremony. You sitting down, facing your guests, for the first part of the ceremony can really help make this a more natural state for both you and the kids. Ringbearers, flower-girls and boys, anything with a specific role, is slightly different, because you’ve chosen to invite in that lovely unpredictability. Speak to all the parents about the point at which you’d like children to be quietened down. Speak to your photographer and videographer about it too. What may look like a cute moment to many (such as a toddler playing in the aisle) might be one of your red lines, and going to capture it on film might feel like an encouragement. As I said at the start of this bit, kids at weddings are a lot of couples’ biggest worries, but please do try not to hyper-focus on it if you can. A bit of honest communication goes a long way.
what’s your biggest worry about your wedding ceremony?
You’re in love, but you’re not two halves of the same whole personality. One of you may be way more comfortable with the attention than the other. Both of you might be concerned about everybody looking at you for so long. One of you, or both, might be worried about crying or even not crying. Working with a wedding celebrant is great for this. We create your ceremony only for you, to match your personalities. This is why personalised wedding vows are so cool. They don’t have to match. You can each say exactly what you’d like to. Letting me know that you have anxiety, or are concerned about fidgeting or your autism making you react in certain ways, is really important and I’m completely open to ensuring every adjustment possible is made to make this work for you.
You may also be worried about speaking about some aspects of your relationship publicly, for example, how you met, or a period where you weren’t together. Spolier: we don’t do that, if you don’t want to. Just because its personalised, doesn’t have to mean that it’s over-stuffed with detail. How you think, how you feel, what you want from your lives next, those are the important things.
we’re in. what’s next?
If this has convinced you that a wedding celebrant ceremony is for you, get in touch. If you’re still on the fence, particularly because you’ve looked at my pricing and wondered if it’s worth it, get in touch too. It’s so much more than turning up on the day and reading a ceremony out. It’s like the film script of your relationship, created by somebody who wants the best day for you possible. Your wedding ceremony should start your party as it means to go on, and all your guests should leave it knowing you better and excited for the next part of the day. That’s what I’m here to create for you.
All photographs courtesy of Mr & Mrs O, married at Farleigh House and taken by Venetia Norrington
